Day 73 progress update

day 73 of deliberately reconditioning myself into homosexuality because I'm tired of women and their bullshit and refuse to be celibate

I still don't feel any particular enthusiasm having sex with men, I just feel like I'm fulfilling an obligation I set for myself, because i promised myself i would, but i never really look forward to it. squeamishness has long subsided though

increased my quota to a minimum of 5 guys a week, up from 3, but failed to meet my quota last week. only had sex with 3 men, one of whom cried afterwards. didn't know how to deal with that so I just left.

i've decided to just quit douching and start taking psyllium husk. so far it's actually working pretty well, which is great because i was really getting fucking sick of douching

i've decided to maybe tone it down on the porn usage because it started to feel like i'm just forcing myself to watch gay porn without really getting anything from it or responding to it in any significant way and it kind of added to that feeling of burnout i've been getting lately. still watching gay porn daily, just not for hours a day.

haven't relapsed into straight porn yet

still having problems with my focus drifting off while watching gay porn. it's becoming increasingly difficult to invest myself into it. my brain just starts wandering and thinking about literally anything else at all

looking for ways to reinforce negative association with the female body, e.g. quick and unpleasant physical sensation every time i think of pussy. used to slap myself but it's a little embarrassing to do that in public. maybe a rubber band around the wrist?

still takes a while to get hard but I can still manage if I concentrate enough

still extremely emotionally numb

I am still confident I will be fully and enthusiastically homosexual by 2027. everything is going according to plan. the psychologists were wrong, sexuality CAN be altered

1. Why do you count the days so formally? Is this an experiment?

2. What made u think of this idea to condition yourself to become gay? Did you see someone do it and think u want to do it too? Is it an original idea?

1. Why do you count the days so formally? Is this an experiment?

of sorts. I guess I'm just keeping track of my progress the same way you would if you were on a weight loss journey for example. I consider this a similarly transformative exercise and have found it useful to keep track of my progress through time in case I hit a wall.

2. What made u think of this idea to condition yourself to become gay? Did you see someone do it and think u want to do it too? Is it an original idea?

I haven't seen anyone else in my personal life try to alter their own sexuality and I especially haven't heard of anyone deliberately trying to become homosexual, usually it's the other way around, but I've decided I want to be gay for two reasons: (a) because from what I've seen, gay guys get laid much easier which is a priority for me because physical intimacy is abnormally important to me, and (b) i'm sick of women. i've never met one I liked as a person. never once. so I'm cutting them out entirely.
my hope is that eventually I will be able to cause the neural pathways in my brain that associate femininity with sexual pleasure and attraction to atrophy, and then form new pathways associating those things with the male form instead, so i will be able to fully enjoy men the way people who were born gay are able to. I think this is the optimal approach.

I wonder if I could recondition myself from being submissive to being dominant would prob solve my female prob.

Havent been keeping up, did you fuck trannies and femboys at first? Homosexuality seems easier to swallow when youre fucking something closer to a real woman at first. After jerking off to femboys for a while im finding myself jerking off to twinks sometimes

I decided against that. it seems at first like a logical, reasonable step but using femboys and trannies as a transitional stage would actually be rather counterproductive to your ultimate goals because at the end of the day you'd still be stimulating the pleasure centers in your brain with their femininity, at most outright ignoring the things that make them masculine. the goal is to train myself to appreciate masculinity the way I do femininity, so i avoid sexual contact and stimuli involving feminine figures altogether; femboys, cis girls or otherwise. I only fuck cis men.

i suppose you could, i don't see any particular reason you couldn't. any aspect of your personality can be altered if your will is strong enough. the hard part would be developing the will. sticking to your plans is easier said than done.

conversion therapy doesnt work

that guy looks kinda feminine

I'm a fully blow gay guy, but I'd would

what personality disorder do i have? what would you say i have?

what personality disorder do i have?

what personality disorder do you* have?

Yea
But going to bed now
Was I too feminine?

I wish I was built like this and had an ass akin to these, I would not have been a non-chad bottom and have a bf:

actually no, I kind of expected you would be. thanks for the nudes anon, sweet dreams.

work out! achieve it!

Nah I mean yeah I shall but it won't help plus I don't see myself having a bf anyway, not that I'll ever look for one.

Post more asses

anon are you a top or a bottom?

yes sir, right away sir.

whichever is needed of me honestly. I actually prefer bottoming because it's not as difficult. it's harder to endure but doesn't require much effort on my end n

using your intelligence to make yourself gay instead of something better like learning or training abstinence

come on OP

I would literally rather be a humongous raging fag than be alone for the rest of my life. I will not live like a buddhist monk. i won't do it.

I'm guessing you have OCPD. The obsessions and the extreme action you are supposedly taking. But really it could be a lot of things. People rarely get as weird as this thread without a personality disorder to fuel it. I have BPD with antisocial features

This reads so weirdly to me. Maybe it's just cause I'm a bifag but I can't imagine how you could train yourself to be into dudes if you've had no prior inkling of attraction to them. Not to mention how even most gay dudes have personal preferences and can only like twinks or bears or jocks or whatever, so there's no need to limit yourself to masculine men entirely. Either way, I respect the methodology and there's been a lot of great gay porn itt so far so I'd say keep at it man.

I dont know why but it always makes me laugh out loud when fags or whores who have done anal a lot always have that long, vertical shaped asshole instead of a round one lol

are there any other symptoms to ocpd? I'm mostly normie outside of this

it does come with great difficulty ngl. but I think it'll be worth it in the end, even if it takes a while.

it is kinda funny come to think of it

In my view of sexuality, the female or bottom position requires a mentality of the enjoyment of submission more than visual attraction.

I recommend sissy hypno.

I thought about sissy hypno but in my experience the presence of femininity in the pornography I consume generally leads to backsliding, not progress. also I generally don't think about dominance or submission much in a sexual context, I see sex as purely physical and nothing else. like masturbating with someone else's body. hypnosis is also something i haven't experienced much luck with in general.

also I don't want to shed my own masculinity. same reason I'm not transitioning even though a couple people in the last thread suggested I should.

Let me see your butthole. I could dig it until you loved it

Wouldn't it be far easier to just make yourself aromantic? I don't see why you can't jerk off to porn and avoid relationships with women like the rest of us schizoids do. You're gonna give yourself fucking AIDS.

as pointed out in the last thread, I can't really get into exhibitionism. i always pussy out. i can send nudes 1on1 like in sniffies or something but idk if i'm brave enough to straight up post it for everybody to see. sorry anon

I already am mildly aromantic to a certain degree. i don't really need to get into romantic relationships all that bad. for me it's all about sex. i need physical contact, i need at least temporary physical intimacy. if i go too long without it i'll get suicidal. i figure it's easier and possibly safer to refocus my attraction to men than just give it up entirely. i'm not worried about aids, i plan on starting prep soon and the aids problem isn't as bad with fags as it was like 20 years ago.

I would eat your ass like its dessert you would love it

Yeah alot of that sissy hypno involves females too as a way to lure in the straight mind. Would have been better earlier on I guess.

well shit if you're in arizona let's talk about it

i find it kinda funny that i'm the one that decided to do this because i was never really into traps in the first place lmao

not being naturally attracted to other men

couldnt be me

you have no idea how lucky you are. i'm jelly 2bh

did you find any honestly cute smooth hairless femboys? how do you find them? how did you fuck them? did they swallow cum and piss? did they cum too? did they swallow their own cum?

Oh but I do, so many sexless people, so many people both straight and gay that do hook up still dont have an SO, Im reminded how really lucky I am every time I cuddle my bf and every time we fuck

i've carefully gone far out of my way to avoid femboys. only men men. sorry to disappoint, anon :/

smooth hairless femboys

I like real men, sorry I'm not an ephebophile

i'm glad you're so happy. :)
how long have you been together?

Just over a year, celebrated our first anniversary on 4/20

did you 69 on 4/20? please tell me you did.

As I've said before, based and very cool, wouldn't mind dating a boy like this

are you the anon from the homophobic country from last time?

Could be, I don't remember exactly what I posted, yes. I know that I said that it could be nice to be a correctional facility (?) for a bf like OP

That is a distinct possibility

Faggot, you're a one happy lucky faggot
I DESERVE THIS, ME!