/Vent/

Anon did you try meeting him in person and telling him sincerely how much you love him and want to be loved...etc I would do that and have sex with my partner afterwards. a genuine partner would be so happy knowing how much love you carry for them. that or your partner might be emotionally stoned. Anon what psychology your partner gives?

then please dont give up and work on it and achieve it! you have a special place in this world have faith!

Im sorry im not who u think. Do you miss someone from Anon Babble Anon?

tired tired tired tired im so tired of everything im so sick of myself im so done with everyone, i just want to turn into ash.

I cant meet him until maybe the end of the week. I have tried telling him that all that really matters to me is just being loved, I dont want anything else from him but that but it didnt change anything. I have told him how much I love him before but that didnt change anything either.

Anon what psychology your partner gives?

What do mean anon? My boyfriend kind of shows he cares by doing more practical things which I do appreciate but I want to feel loved and understood.

hi anon

what worries me is that my life has been entirely loveless and i fear it will continue to be so forever, partially because i am ugly and partially because my long loneliness has somehow fundamentally poisoned my ability to love other people.. I fear that even if i am somehow lucky enough to get a woman to tolerate me for five seconds I won't even be capable of it anymore.

I feel deeply that I have been robbed of fundamental human experiences that make one human and that i am a spiteful evil creature bereft of light.

I don't really like feeling like this but I don't have the tools to fix it and i feel a lot of pain and suffering over it continuously

I don't need to vent I need real friends with actual interests who are actually able to do things. Not another armchair therapist who does fuck all nothing all day has no hobbies or real interests. It all gets so damn old.

I am sure there is something for u in this world

Foids have no clue how much hearing this makes me want to commit suicide

I don't need believe you care
but anyway

I hate when people say they're sure someone could look past whatever flaw I mention
That is just usless cope
First of all no, if everyone says that they can't look past it but maybe someone else can then no one can
And even if you find that one person who doesn't mind it's guaranteed they won't be able to look past all the dozen of other flaws

Why are you sick of everyone and yourself anon?

real friends with actual interests

Hard ask from the TikTok generation

I'm basically only attracted to mentally ill loser neet women. Or people who have that energy even if they aren't a neet. I've had relationships like that in the past but each one fell apart because the person I was with just refused to improve. Now I'm almost 30 and the hopes of having that kind of mutual growth with someone who's as weird and eccentric and pretentious as I am seems impossible. Every woman my age grew out of that because the world is shit or got out while they could and I just missed the boat. The more I look the more I'm noticing the only people who fit the bill tend to be early 20s. For awhile I was cool with the "pseudo older brother" dynamic, plus some of these women have weird kinks so it worked out, but now it's going to start getting into "pseudo dad territory" and that bothers me. It changes the dynamic entirely, assuming anyone would even be interested in me. I've had a lot of people tell me I deserve better and I could do better and etc. etc. but this is literally the only thing I care about. If I don't have the kind of relationship I want then I don't see a point in living, both in the sense of being a productive member of society and being alive at all. My brain seems to have started to just "accept" that it's over and I'll never get it but it was literally the only thing motivating me. I don't really know what, if anything, there is to do now.

im just not good enough for white women, i'll never have white children because im not attractive to white women

then tell him you want to be understood and loved. Its that simple. tell him to be more emotionally with you more lovely. You wont get anywhere without good communication in a relationship.

Dont fall for this lonely pit of hate and fear anon. Ugly or not dont limit your life just because of women or love interests. life is more than that filled with many things worth enjoying other than love. anon what about money? religion? friendship? fame? mysteries? there has to be something that is for u anon.

I'm like a year clean of sex addiction but it has not been an easy road. I broke a lot of men's hearts and put myself in a lot of risky situations. I still feel the urge to act like that sometimes, but I just try to focus on what's important to me and not put myself at risk like that again for a cheap thrill and false feeling of control. deep down in my heart I'm just kind of a slut and not too good of a person and I have to keep myself in check consciously making better choices. I'm so good at making excuses. I can convince myself to do the worst shit.

Anon think from the other perspective, do you really think you will forever be the same? your taste will stay the same forever? why demand very specific things in love? why overthink? Why are you weird anyways? and do you really think nobody there will be like you? you are overwhelmed anon.

This is a meme? other women can be pretty too and "white"

i mean this isn't the first time i've said i'm going to do that

Anon you feel guilt and thats good. You are not as evil as you think. But why dont you stop? Your time and body is fading away into false dopamine rushes and illusions. Look for something you love before it's too late Anon.

thank you for this thread OP but i have a question

and? what's stopping you?

No worries I care about people here. Please ask

how are you doing yourself?

Im doing okay! you are so sweet for asking anon. please take much care of yourself and be well. I wish r9k was more positive sometimes...

do you really think you will forever be the same? your taste will stay the same forever?

I have been for a decade nearly. I had to "grow up" early and did a shitload of introspection to figure out what I wanted to do, and who I wanted to be. The fallout of my last relationship has destroyed pretty much every drive I had to work towards something, because now it's evident all the work I put in or could put in will not lead me to what I want, only luck would, and the odds get worse every day. The idea that you will automatically just stop liking something because you're older is a sign of immaturity - you don't turn a specific age and suddenly want to play bingo all day and listen to showtunes. Old people do the things they do because it's things they've always like that they are still able to do.

why demand very specific things in love?

Because I know what I want and have for a long time. People not knowing what they want is a flaw of their own, not mine. No one goes to a restaurant and asks for something completely random. No one picks a career path at random.

why overthink?

Because other people don't think at all and it made my life hell.

Why are you weird anyways?

Small town, poor as shit, AuDHD, but still smart. Inevitable that I ended up online and developed niche interests.

do you really think nobody there will be like you?

If anyone was like me I would've realistically met them by now, and I don't just mean someone I'd have a relationship with, none of my friends have been particularly similar to me, ever. The only person I know who put more effort into meeting people went through hundreds of discord adds a week trying to make connections on top of real life shit, but they were particularly isolated so online was the only real option.

you are overwhelmed anon.

I used to be. Now I've realized I was doing a lot more than other people would ever have to, and more than anyone was willing to do for me. I'm underwhelmed and disappointed now.

Im sorry anon. I dont know what advice or tip i should give you. all i can offer you is my prayer for you to be happy in this life. You are too specific anon but...yet...im still sure there is a way for you. Someone for you somewhere...or a new door in your life.

well, caring about others is a heavy load. someone must care about you in return, right? it is not easy.

be well

sadly, i am not doing well. i need many things, like a hug, love, i don't know. i need something but i don't know what it is. it's what probably people call 'a goal'.

r9k was more positive

yes, indeed, me too. i used to try posting threads like these, but they just died after a couple of replies and gave up.

Why are you sick of everyone

everyone is better than me and interacting with them keeps reminding me of how worthless i am

yourself

im sick of dealing with my mental issues im sick of being bad at everything i do im just sick of living this life.

You are too sweet Anon. I wish I could befriend you somehow. Anon I find it strange how everyone here is too worried and too depressed. Please anon tell me...why can't you find your own goal in life? and have you tried irl dating and dating apps? do you have any experiences with dating?

Life matters and you matter too Anon. Please get mental help and therapy. other than that Please genuinely know that you are depressed and this is your unhealthy mind speaking. Are you on drugs? alcohol? HRT? work stress? anon i genuinely care of you so please ...you have to help yourself anon.

I feel like no one will ever be enough for me as my first love was and I dont want to move on I want them back abusive or not I need them they kept me alive they did so much for me why did they just discard me how can I get them back when they dont want me to even be their friend

you are putting dangerous chains on your mind and heart anon. Why would you go for someone who hates you. Why would you want to be abused. Anon we sometimes dont know the best for us. Are you even reading what u typing...

i am not sweet, i just try to be the way i think we should be.
befriend me? i'm a very dull person...

find strange how everyone here is too worried and too depressed

because this place is where depressed, lonely people come to for a small amount of social interaction, too. it's not just incels or hateful people.

goals

i don't know. i suppose i never gave myself too much importance, i always did what i was told was the right thing to do. did this happen to you?

dating

i have never dated a person, but i tried "dating". it was awful, people love playing with others' feelings. have you tried dating yourself, op?

Please get mental help and therapy

not a thing where i live. i know i have mental issues, i know its not me thinking this things but my unwell brain, im just tired of dealing with it everyday all day. i have never taken any drug in my life and i dont plan to, i think im just not meant to be in this world and im okay with leaving sooner rather than later.

ill jump in for a while, i hope you don't mind OP.

everyone is better than me

life is mainly, during your early adulthood, a consequence of your upbringing and your environment. sadly, we are not dealt the same cards and we can experience the biggest disadvantages ever. your mental illnesses are not your fault, they're just something you didn't choose. as such, you must make choices that help you build your confidence. don't look at other people's achievements. you are a person on your own and you deserve space and time to find your own strengths.
when i was a kid, i loved drawing and would put my drawings everywhere. i found out later that my family liked that because they could make fun of me. and this happened many times with many other things, up to this day i barely draw anything anymore. you can do it, anon :) be kind and patient to yourself, otherwise, nobody else will.
don't stay friends with a person you love or you will start burning yourself and the other person out. i have seen this happen many times

yes but in my current situation I found what really matters in this life. Im building myself and educating myself and following my interest away from hateful ideologies or people. what really matters anon is to enjoy what you like doing. I like my academic work my philosophy my gaming my food i cook...etc
anon what do you like? please tell me.

anon i would genuinely lose a part of me when people like you go or hurt themselves. please dont anon. if you cant get help then be your own help. even if you live in north Korea, there is food that gives you good gut bacteria that can help. activities that you can do. people you can know. you are NOT alone on this. im here for this moment with u too. please pull yourself from this anon. behind this screen i know how much of a gentle soul u are. so please dont give up.

why would i mind u helping others? thank you so much anon. i thank you. may God or the universe reward you for this!

I found what really matters in this life.

what is it?

what really matters anon is to enjoy what you like doing. I like my academic work my philosophy my gaming my food i cook...etc

oh... well, i think i kind of agree with you. academic work, by the way? i am interested, are you working in the academy?
also what type of food do you like cooking the most?

anon what do you like? please tell me.

i... don't know....

may God or the universe reward you for this!

being nice is its own reward :)
i had a very similar experience. this person used me all the time go get through their toughest times, then in the end i was discarded because 'they couldn't and didn't need to deal with my problems'.
love is a strong feeling, anon. love wouldn't ditch you at the first inconvenience. she sounds like a broken person, a person that was looking for a savior, more than a partner. you are supposed to help each other, being a burden from time to time is completely okay. but a relationship founded on the desires and need of only one person is doomed to fail. i am sorry you went through this, anon, but let this be your lesson. you need to set up boundaries and think about yourself, too. you can't be a doormat for love, otherwise people will use you as such.
you sound like a great guy :) i am sure you will find your way through and find a person that loves you. you deserve a person that cares about you, too. i think you are better off without them!

Hatred and abuse is better than indifference and apathy

don't look at other people's achievements.

would being able to be with others even be considered an achievement? i dont look at things like owning a car or a house or whatever. im unable to do basic human things and i dont think ill ever be able to find peace because of it. i despise myself so much for being this way, even though i acknowledge its not my own fault. it's just how i am, but is it really such an irrational thought to not want to live a life i never wanted, a life i couldnt even choose how to live?

and this happened many times with many other things

...that sucks. dont give up on the things you like because of others though. its something i really cant stand, do whatever makes you happy without worrying what others think!

be kind and patient to yourself, otherwise, nobody else will.

but if no one else will, why would i? i dont deserve it.
...thanks, but i really dont want to live in a world like this, especially not with how i am. there's things i want to do, but once im done with them, i'll be done with everything else too.

i hate that everyone is ignorant with a lack of self awareness. why is everyone so proud of their own cheap tricks how can you develop an ego on that basis. everyone is succeeding while im left behind, thats not a gotcha, i can play the game but im refusing. im refusing. im refusing. i refuse.

would being able to be with others even be considered an achievement? i dont look at things like owning a car or a house or whatever

yes, it is an achievement. i hadn't thought about it like one, but that's a pretty good thing.

im unable to do basic human things and i dont think ill ever be able to find peace because of it.

i don't mean to be nosy, but, what kind of things, for example?

it's just how i am, but is it really such an irrational thought to not want to live a life i never wanted, a life i couldnt even choose how to live?

in my opinion, nope, it isn't. i really think you are right and we should have the right to choose. i probably wouldn't be here either. and it is not irrational; of course it isn't. for me, people that commit suicide are brave, and in the end, they prioritized their own mental sanity. "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is a sentence that shows how little people try understanding others.
but sadly, we can't just leave. we are not allowed to. so in the end we have to try and make the most of it, otherwise we are just making the whole situation even worse.

do whatever makes you happy without worrying what others think!

for me, this mindset is an achievement on its own. i wish i could think like this, but i am not wired like that. i unconsciously try and please everyone around me, and i like doing that, to my very own detriment. do you get to do the things you enjoy?

if no one else will, why would i? i dont deserve it

you do deserve it. everyone deserves it, everyone deserves a chance until you throw it away. you are just starting to give yourself a choice. you, just like the other guy, seem to have a nice heart. that thing alone, at least for me, is worth of praise and love.

woah, op disappeared and i killed his thread...

what kind of things, for example?

being able to stay in groups of people, even small ones, even just online without constantly worrying. being able to love someone, being able to work, to do things without having to put immense effort to do them even if its just something as simple as going for a walk. just, being able to live a happy life, i guess. or if not happy at least not miserable.

i probably wouldn't be here either

its a bit strange, this urge to help i get whenever someone else is suicidal, i want to help them to not feel that way anymore. but, when it comes to me i never get the urge to help myself. i think a lot of people are this way, its just so weird. but im glad you're still here anon!

for me, people that commit suicide are brave

yeah, for me too. i believe no one wants to die, they just get to a point where they have to. they were brave enough to choose when and how to go, and jump into the flames rather than choosing to slowly getting burned by them.

we are not allowed to

sigh... part of me wishes people would just tell me to die rather than not to.

i unconsciously try and please everyone around me, and i like doing that, to my very own detriment.

i was this way too, when i was younger. growing up (for the better or the worse) i started resenting the human race more and more so i kind of stopped wanting to please others aswell. although, with my friends or people i like, i still struggle with saying no to things.

do you get to do the things you enjoy?

there's not many things i enjoy, and i think thats the reason why i value them so much. i would never give them up to please someone else. i think you should try to think this way too. finding something that brings you joy is invaluable!

everyone deserves it, everyone deserves a chance

yet the world around me shows me the opposite.

to have a nice heart

i have been told this before, but each time i hear it, it feels more and more like im lying to everyone.