How did your life derailed?

be me

be recent hs graduate

have friends, going to uni, after years of misery i felt like i was recovering and could maybe even be normal

notice my hair falling out more

was already on finasteride

completely freak out

in the span of two months lose my mind over it and completely self isolate

parents almost sent me to the hospital

take estrogen and dutasteride as last ditch effort to not kill myself

been stuck in recovery mode ever since

all becus i cant cope with hairloss

i prob have the most pathetic life derailment story

I was autistic and everything was fine up until my mid teens when I suddenly gained enough introspection to realize what an asshole I was. And so I went from confident, talkative loudmouth to inhibited, socially anxious recluse and never really recovered. If I had the same energy I'd had as a kid, today, I'd easily be getting women left and right.

Grandmother refused to let me have a social life and actively sabotaged me;

Would never let me leave the house except to go to school or with her to get groceries or whatever, I was never allowed to play outside at any point

Would never let me talk to people from school outside of school, if she caught me talking to a friend on the phone she would slap me and then take every piece of entertainment I had away for from toys to books to empty notebooks I used to sketch, so all I could do was sit around the house in absolute silence until I managed to find something new to occupy myself before she inevitably took that away as well

Forbid me from taking drivers ed in school, likewise I was forbidden from owning a bike or skateboard

Despite keeping me inside 24/7 she also refused to ever buy me anything to occupy myself with, I had to scrounge shit like books or videogames up at school to stop myself from going insane

Constantly made up reasons to yell at or hit me. One time she just randomly accused me of sagging my pants so she could slap me several times

And this one wasn't me, but my older brother got a girlfriend when he was in highschool, probably 15-16, when his girlfriend came over to our house to surprise him on day. My grandmother screamed in her face that she was a disgusting whore and threatened her, after that she forced my brother to break up with her.

cuckoldry themed tapestry

caused my own parents divorce, got porn addiction, dropped out of middle school, had no friends or social interaction with anyone, acquired mental illness and now im here as a hikineet

Graduate from college

Meh business degree, but still somewhat viable

To make up for this, went above and beyond with internships, extra curriculars, academic accolades, letter of recommendation, etc

End up with a really good looking resume for a college grad

I could only manage to get a job as a teller tho where I've gone off and on for the past two and half years. They refuse to promote me but dump as much work on me as possible since I'm a fucking yes man trying to look good (not hyperbole, I genuinely do at least 50-60% of three other people's jobs on top of my own). Working a literal shit-wage retail job after all that fucking effort makes me want to try to kill myself again. The only joy I get out of life is pretending one day I'll publish a book but I'm about 150 rejections into that with two books over the course of four or so years. I always get the response 'just do it as a hobby' to which I have to wonder with what fucking time. I know some people can do it, but I sure as shit haven't found a way.
Not to mention my fixation with academics and this book writing nonsense tanked my social life.
I sound like a whiny bitch and, admittedly, I am, but boy howdy did I get screwed over.
Anyway, surely tomorrow will be better, hopefully for all of us right?

fell for the college meme twice.

first time I withdrew the uni because I was so incredibly poor I still owe tens of thousands in student loans

Second time I got a degree, but the comp sci industry got completely rugpulled the year I graduated.

I am basically alone the only thing I do is wage at low paying physical job.

I send out resumes everywhere but into the trash it goes. I have come to resent and hate the hr people, I don't want to dance for them like a monkey trying to placate them

At this point I just want to be left alone

I found out the truth of the human experience, and I started coming to the robot nine thousand to talk about the shit i can't have, we're hitting new lows every time because at january of this year I started using hard drugs to ease the pain or whatever

Life has been a train wreck since birth. I wasn't born for this world.

how did you even understand what people were talking about mate?

>Second time I got a degree, but the comp sci industry got completely rugpulled the year I graduated.

That's why I didn't go into comp sci. It's such an unstable industry and if you graduate in the wrong year you can easily end up unemployable, even once companies start hiring again.
I don't blame you at all though, people don't talk about that enough when they recommend comp sci as a career.

Born with autism

Diagnosed schizo later in life

Grew up having to parent my parent, and meet their expectations

Previous thing instilled a compulsion to try and care for others who are hurting.

Gave up on all my dreams and sacrificed it all to love and care for severely broken people.

I never get love or care back, only demands or abuse. I am a fool who loved and cared for people who never wanted to get better, and who only loved the idea of me instead of me as a person.

Did the last thing way too many times to count and always get burned from it.

i blame my mother on how my life sort of derailed

mom was always mad at me no matter what I do/did

mom (and dad) got mad at me for not wanting to go to college

mom was mad at me for not being a lawyer or going to veterinarian school

every convo isn't a convo, it's an argument

that, or the times where I barely passed high school, failed community college twice, or discovering alcohol at 19.

It never got on the rails. That was the problem. All set up and no pay off.

Born autist and was never discovered as such.

This made school socially challenging and that got increasingly worse as I got older.

Though I passed two years of college, I had no idea what I wanted to do; outside of a vague notion of a back-office job.

My dad died when I was 19, so I was in no mood for anything. By the time I came to terms with things, the 2008 cataclysm doomed me to perma-NEETdom.

Spent a decade as a NEET, being persecuted by the 'bux system. Then started trying to wage-cuck, but nothing in customer service hell appealed to me.

Finally got an apprenticeship with my equivalent of city hall; then I find my mother dead in our kitchen. Fucking destroyed me.

Soldiered through the year and passed, but it exposed me as an autist, often sperging out under pressure. I hated dealing with the phones. Nobody cared.

Back on 'bux for a year, finally get a six month job working facilities. They had me covering the fucking front desk. Got canned after the induction, a week in.

Now fully Black Pilled on ever wage-cucking again. Had three interviews since 2017. Enjoyed the lockdown'bux and now been on tard'bux since '22.

Needless to say, I am incel as fuck and miserable. But at least after ~16 years of harassment, I can finally be left alone; until the next assessment.

My only hope for a not totally miserable future is UBI, so I never have to worry about assessments or means-testing ever again.

i found it at 14 and honestly was mostly just refreshing b for porn

hard to say which specific thing did me in

basically was given almost unlimited access to the internet before i probably should of. i was looking at porn at 12 and earlier, even got busted printing out bestiality rape stuff. whoops. by the time it was supposed to be normal for kids to start getting interested in girls and start the silly not-real boyfriend girlfriend shit, and then move on to actual boyfriend girlfriend shit, i had already been looking at Anon Babbletier material. i found here at i think 14-15, did whole whole lurk moar faggit stuff, waited a year for the first post yadda yadda. so even if i had gotten a girlfriend, kept her, and became normal, i think my head would STILL be constantly full of all these weird thoughts and id still be looking at weird porn and fapping to it. i still was when i had a gf and thought we were on the verge of sex, just next time, it wouldnt hurt her, maybe.

but being exposed to porn super early probably saved my dick. figured out i had pmr, the tip of my foreskin had fused/healed near the tip of the dick and i thought i was cut/circumcised for the first 13-14 years of my life. folks even dragged me into a room and did the "we gotta talk" thing and told me "yo we DIDNT get you cut. we wanted to leave it up to you. are you fine with how you are?"

me internally: huh? what are they talking about. theres no flappy bit of loose skin down there. huh whatever

figured out what they ment later, and oh no theres something really not right down there. cant tell anyone. fix it myself. its just healed together, right, i can see the line. like peeling a split lip apart? horrific story of 2-3 days of some retard kid successfully performing home comestic surgery with just his fingers. scarily, this is just the second most painful thing ive ever experienced.

.cont

still, the above totally blasted my self picture and self esteem pretty hard. imagine having all that shit happen to your cock and then the prospect of having to actually show it to the girl you want to have sex with. i did manage to do it, but only because they asked me out, would of never had the stones to actually ask myself. also the lasting damage from the whole above is actually very hard to see. if you under near the whatsamacallit part thats like a strand of string, you can see where the line still is and i have finished pulling it all the way back. ive tried a few times since, but cant seem to force myself to pull hard enough, too scared. i remember how much it hurt the first time...and its diminishing returns, its just a little bit under the head that wouldnt really do anything, anyways.

so, internet porn, Anon Babble, or muh dick, keeping me from touching grass. pick either/any. two of them i really did to myself, and the third one was a result of things i did to myself. so.

Many times OP, there's only one that mattered though
My chronic illness flared up for the first time at 18 and since it will never go away, I'm at the mercy of my body not self-destructing every step of the way, if it does that, I now have to be at the mercy of the healthcare system to give me a new drug that gives you side effects and maybe works, Opiates are the only benefit, Invasive medical procedures aren't as bad when you're fucked up on fentanyl.

same

i was a smart 12 year old

were you pretty decent with computers? i was okay with them because i had a lot of free time with them and wanted to play games for free. learning how to host a virtual drive to run an .iso and then torrent a crack and successfully navigate dodgy websites and learn the gud ones to pirate vidya, or learning to emulate shit, pirate windows, yadda yadda because i was 12 and couldnt afford shit was a HUGE thing for me. if i had a kid id force him to do something similar. "heres a pc kiddo. and a rom. figure it out. if you can, theres a billion games out there waiting".

yes, all i had was a crappy laptop and no money so same thing really, i learned how to navigate the internet safely, pirate stuff, emulate, hex edit shit, got into photoshop and stuff, used irc, played a lot of online games with people twice my age or older

diddled from ages 6-8 in hyper religious household. Thought I was going to hell because homosexuality forced on me

bullied relentlessly for being the weird quiet kid ages 9-14. Socially ostracized completely

homeschooled till I got my G.E.D at 17

18yrs old going to college. dad gets into bad vehicle wreck is now full blow disabled now. Traumatic Brain Injury has him in full blown dementia now.

Age 32 now. I'm a schizoid NEET volcel living at home with my aging mother and dad that's rapidly declining.

It is what it is. At least my bro is successful.

this is why im switching to accounting

Drugs and mental illness

what's wrong with being a Bald Boi?

When I was 10 my mom gave me the choice of choosing my middle school.
You couldn't read at 12?

i had a psychosis in the last semester of high school and since then i havent done anything because i am schizophrenic and i feel like doing things is very tiring and difficult

but im actually studying up my grades
that's 7 years later
i'll be done with highschool when im 27

feels like FUCKING NUTS

where i come from you study highschool until you're 18 or 19 years old depending on when ur born during the year

went to school with a dude who was finishing highschool at 25. he sorta committed a crime kinda and got kicked out first time round. stick with it, he was glad to finish it

Started using Anon Babble at 15, started doing OTC drugs, severely addicted to porn, and I have borderline personality disorder and subclinical narcissism. My life generally hasn't derailed since I'm in a good college but if you talk about my mental state it has absolutely been gangraped because of my mental disorders. And I also have compulsive thoughts about raping my mom and licking her ass

we are the first generation to be fully exposed to the internet with no safeguards whatsoever. i remember being around that age and i could literally go see anything i wanted. its just something you dont think about but it was really self-abuse. my developing brain was exposed to stuff it isnt natural to be exposed to and now im warped.

And I also have compulsive thoughts about raping my mom and licking her ass

That sounds interesting, can you expand on that

I think I lost hope at the age of ~4 when I realised I would have to go to school every day for 6+ hours for the next 13 years, and after that I would have to work.

I honestly don't know what made me like this but I occasionally think about fucking my mom. I don't want her to know that because she'd tell everyone in my family and I'd get stoned to death. I sniff her unwashed panties whenever I get the chance to and jerk off with them